giving: too much or not enough?

I've been learning a lesson the hard way for a while now.
And though it pains me to put it down in words, i will share it.
Because YOU might benefit from it.


Giving is a tricky thing.


Do you remember the girl with spectacles in your school? The one that was just so nice, the one that gave without thinking? the one so generous she ended up with no friends but users?


Do you see the strange glance you get in the street when you fish out a few coins from your purse to give to a beggar? The look that says "You're weak'?


Do you know that situation when you give, you give without thinking, without looking back, for the pleasure of   being generous, the pleasure of watching the smile on your friends' faces? And you get shit back? Or you get hurt back.


And you think, "well done. Next time I won't get caught."
                                                                                                   But you will.
Because that's who you are.


And do you know that person so selfish that no one would even consider asking her anything? How strange is that, she's never alone. And people somehow admire her.




You see SHE is strong. She who never gives. She who tends for herself.


And did you ever face that situation when you don't care so you won't make the smallest effort to give. To give time or smiles or generosity. And people chase you. They suddenly need you.


Why is that that you're attracted to selfishness people?


Or at least, why is that that we don't appreciate the worth of generosity around us, unless to use it?


I once went to a play.


A certain Sacha that said it was a King's gift to be generous and tolerant. 


I thought how wrong. Anyone can do it. King or vilain, no matter.
Be generous to your friends and they will love you all the more for it. 


It seems that Tchekov might just be wiser than me.




And if you too, when you read this feel angry and want to say that NO generosity IS worthwhile that you can be loved and not used for it.




Then don't say anything.








But don't forget to act upon it.